


Breathe

by thekatthatbarks



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23851627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekatthatbarks/pseuds/thekatthatbarks
Summary: Sakura felt panic clawing at her, and her eyes went back to Sai almost desperately. His eyes were worried, and she realized how close he was standing, the way his fingers were laying on her wrist. He was checking her heart rate. Sakura counted it with him, her pulse vibrating in her ears. It was loud.Why was it so loud?Tears started to well up in her eyes.Why was it so fast?Sakura’s chest hurt and her fingers dug into the fabric of her shirt.Was she having a heart attack?
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Sai
Comments: 10
Kudos: 180





	Breathe

They were walking by a stream near the village, cooling off after a long day of training. Sakura had been listening to something Sai was telling her and then she could barely make out what he was saying, his voice fading away. All the sounds faded back, and Sakura could feel her heart rate picking up. Her feet slowed to a stop as her eyes scanned around them.

She was vaguely aware of Sai stopping beside her. The sound of his voice muffled as her eyes went to the water beside them, the line of trees on the other side.

_Nothing was there_.

Her heart continued to beat fast and Sakura clutched at her chest, feeling more panicked. She looked around them again as her breathing became ragged.

_There was nothing there, right?_

_Right?_

Sakura’s head started to feel dizzy and like someone was screaming in the back of it. Sai grabbed her arm and it slightly grounded her. Her voice felt like it could barely get out through the tightness in her throat. “I – I can’t breathe. Sai – Sai –“

He moved in front of her and Sakura looked to his face for a moment before going back around them. Her muscles wouldn’t move for her, her limbs feeling heavy – _so heavy_. Sakura looked to the water again. It was running fast.

_Had it always been running fast? Was it getting faster?_

_What was going on?_

Sakura felt panic clawing at her, and her eyes went back to Sai almost desperately. His eyes were worried, and she realized how close he was standing, the way his fingers were laying on her wrist. He was checking her heart rate. Sakura counted it with him, her pulse vibrating in her ears. It was loud. _Why was it so loud?_

Tears started to well up in her eyes.

_Why was it so fast?_

Sakura’s chest hurt and her fingers dug into the fabric of her shirt.

_Was she having a heart attack?_

Sakura more watched the ground move closer to her than she felt herself fall forward. Sai’s arms caught her, and he held her to him as he lowered them to the ground. Sakura was choking on her sobs, unable to get any breath to her lungs, and Sai’s steady hands grabbed her face and turned her towards him.

He met her eyes and Sakura tried to focus on what he was saying.

“Sakura, you need to breathe for me, okay?”

Sakura gave him a slight nod and tried to slow her breathing back down. When she couldn’t, her chest tightened and Sakura felt like she was babbling, tears running down her face. “Sai – “

He smiled at her, his thumb stroking across her skin. His eyes didn’t leave hers. “You’re doing great, Sakura. Keep breathing.”

Sakura didn’t feel like she was doing great, but she focused on his voice as he continued to talk. He grabbed one of her hands and put it on his chest, over his heart. “I want you to breathe with me.”

Sakura felt the rise and fall of his chest, the steady beat of his heart. It was a little fast but no where near like hers. She tried to match it, her eyes falling to her hand on him. Her breath continued to hitch in her chest, something ringing in her ears, but she tried to calm herself.

Sai’s voice was softer, and Sakura leaned into the palm of his hand. “You’re getting there. Just focus on me and breathing, nothing else.”

He continued to breath with her and it was painfully slow, but Sakura started to breathe normally again. Her tears drying on her cheeks, her heart not feeling like it was going to jump from her chest. Sakura felt exhausted by the end of it and Sai pulled her forward to fall against his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he hugged her tightly to him.

He rubbed a hand up and down her back as Sakura calmed down. Sakura told him in a shaky voice after a few more minutes, not moving from her place against his neck, “That’s never happened to me before.”

Sai’s voice was grounding and Sakura held it to her in a firm grasp. “You’re okay. It was just a panic attack.”

Sakura realized that now, but she hadn’t been able to a moment ago. Her arms tightened around him, and she mumbled into his shirt, “That was terrifying.”

“I’m here, Sakura.”

He was. Sakura was overwhelmingly thankful for it too. She couldn’t imagine if she’d been walking by herself, not able to pull herself out of it and maybe fainting against the water.

“Thank you.” She barely got the words out, but she didn’t doubt that he’d heard her.

***

Sakura shot up in her bed, her eyelashes wet as she covered her mouth over her hand. Her chest shook as tears ran down her face. After she could breathe again, she ran her fingers through her hair and got up from the bed, almost ripping the sheets in her haste. The floor was cold where her bare feet touched it and Sakura felt like it helped shock her back to reality.

She left the bedroom and walked to her kitchen. She still felt shaken as she grabbed a glass from her cabinet, and it was probably why it slipped from her fingers to shatter against the floor. Sakura jumped back from it, wincing at the loud noise. She gripped the counter near her and took a deep breath, closing her eyes.

She breathed for a moment, willing her heart to slow down and then looked down at the glass shards across her floor. The moonlight from the window reflected off them and Sakura stared at them for a few seconds, trying to talk herself into kneeling down to clean them up.

She gave up after a moment and found herself stepping over them. She went back to her room, avoiding looking at her rumpled sheets and grabbed a pair of pants from her laundry hamper. She went to her window and slipped out of it without second thought.

Sai met her at the window, his hand on her elbow as she slipped through the glass and into his room. His eyes were concerned as he looked her over. “Sakura, what’re you – are you okay?”

Sakura nodded and then shook her head, not knowing how to answer. She let out a shaky breath and asked him quietly, “Can I sleep here?”

Sai nodded, trying for a smile but she could see how his eyes traced the tear stains she hadn’t bothered to wipe away. His hand slipped down to her hand and Sakura threaded her fingers through his. He pulled her back towards his bed and Sakura crawled under the sheets to lie beside him.

Sakura curled on her side towards him, her eyes staring at a loose thread in his pillow case. She didn’t know how long they laid there in silence but then, he called out to her in a quiet voice, “Sakura?”

The warmth that she saw in the dark of his eyes was something she wished she could sink herself into. His smile was soft and if she was in a better state of mind, she would’ve heard the nervousness in his voice. “Do you want me to hold you?”

Sakura nodded, feeling something break inside her as a couple tears escaped her eyes. “Yes.”

Sai chuckled and he held open his arms to her. “Then, come here.”

Sakura moved to him and Sai wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to his chest. Sakura rested her head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. It was a little fast again and she felt herself smile against his skin.

Sai didn’t say anything else and neither did she. She didn’t sleep well there either, but it was better. She felt loved by the way he didn’t go to sleep until she did. She didn’t think she’d ever felt more comfort than when he was wrapped around her.

He didn’t ask her about it in the morning and Sakura didn’t tell him. He pulled her to the kitchen with the intention of making her breakfast. Sakura laughed when he burned the eggs, her chest tight – _but in a good way_ – when she noticed the faint blush on his cheeks. She pushed him aside, grabbing more eggs from the open carton, and showed him how to cook them better with his hand on her hip as he watched over her shoulder.

***

Sai joined ANBU and Sakura resisted the urge to selfishly ask him to quit. She missed him on missions, but she adjusted as the months went by. She watched him closely whenever he got back but he was handling it well. She supposed after being in Root for so long, he was suited for it. ANBU was filled with horror stories and tragedy, but it wasn’t anything like Root. It was an honor to be accepted into the unit and Sakura didn’t bother to fight down the pride she felt at Sai having his own mask.

She understood what it meant to him, another new leaf to turn. A way to show his loyalty to the village. She wondered if he would always feel like he had to make amends for following Danzo blindly for so many years.

It felt like she was always the first place he went to whenever he returned from a mission and Sakura selfishly believed it as fact. Depending on where she was, he would change out of his uniform and into civilian clothes. But if she were in her apartment, he wouldn’t bother. A grey vest, mask, and katana laying hidden away in her bedroom as he cooked dinner with her.

She hadn’t seen many instances like today, but she could recognize it for what it was. His smiles didn’t reach his eyes and she noticed how his stare would go blank during a conversation. It would take him a minute to notice and then he would sigh, apologizing and asking her to repeat herself.

Sakura gave him a soft smile and reached out for his hand. Sai followed her easily when she pulled on his hand and led him out of the kitchen and into the living room. She pulled him down with her to the couch and Sai hovered unsurely over her. Sakura ignored her racing heart and asked him quietly with her hands held out, “Let me hold you?”

Sai smiled and Sakura was thankful for the sincerity in it. He fell against her and Sakura shifted as his arms snaked under her and he laid his head on her chest. He sighed contently against her as her fingers started to run through his hair and Sakura felt herself smile. Her eyes went to a bird perched on her windowsill and she watched her quietly as she fed the baby birds in her nest.

Sai fell asleep against her and Sakura’s chest was tight with emotion when she noticed. She’d never be able to explain how that felt if someone asked.

***

Sakura thanked Tsunade in her head for all the training she put her through. For the long nights, the brutal tests, the lessons on keeping her head cool under pressure. Sakura repeated her words over in her head as her hands pressed against the gashes across Sai’s chest.

He was breathing heavily, but it wasn’t bad enough for her to worry about. Sweat glistened across his skin and he winced any time she moved. Sakura wished she could be gentle, but she couldn’t forfeit efficiency for it as her hands turned him to get to the cuts on his back. Her chest shook but her face remained calm, her hands steady.

The cuts closed across his skin and Sakura was exhausted when she was finished, falling to her knees in front of him as he sat on her couch in the dark room. He smiled down at her, tiredly with dark under his eyes, and reached out to hold her face. The touch was so tender, and Sakura felt emotion crawl up her throat. Tears started to pour down her face and she watched as Sai’s expression broke.

His other hand reached for her arm to pull her up. “Sakura, I’m sorry. I – “

She kissed him, it was rough, and she could taste the salt of her tears on his lips. He tightened his grip on her arm, his fingers digging into her skin. He pulled back breathless. “Sakura, you don’t – “

“I love you.” Sakura held his face in her hands and met his eyes. She tried for a smile as more tears rolled down her cheeks. “I love you. Don’t think this panic or – whatever you’re thinking. I love you.”

He kissed her back, his hands going down her body to pull her into his lap. Sakura’s breath left her as his lips moved with hers, one of her hands moving to the back of his head to drag him closer. When they broke apart, he told her only a breath away, “I love you.”

Sakura breath hitched in her throat and Sai pulled her back to him, his arms wrapping around her back as she pressed her face into his neck. Sakura hated how much of a mess she was, how she cried against him.

Sai leaned his head against hers, his hand idly going up and down her back. He sighed and his voice was low as he told her, “I’m sorry I scared you, Sakura.”

Sakura shook her head in denial, not able to trust her voice to speak.

“I’ll go to the hospital next time. I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

Sakura swallowed thickly and promised him, “I’ll always heal you.”

Sai turned his head to kiss her hair and he repeated, “I’ll go to the hospital next time.”

Sakura took a deep breath and could only nod again.

***

When Sakura felt better in the morning and Sai had washed all the blood away from his skin, she kissed him again. His lips tasted like the coffee she had made him, and she could only smile as he pulled her into his lap from where he sat at her kitchen table.


End file.
